Days Until Heartbreak/Love
he's trying all that he can think of but all i want him to do is to show me love part eighteen of Days Until Heartbreak I stab my claws into the nearest tree. Rage comes off of me in waves as I retract my claws and lash out at the tree again. There are numerous marks embedded in the trunk of the tree from my claws. I bare my teeth before driving both paws into the tree. Stupid. Another hit. Stupid. In and out. I'm so stupid. I let out a little scream of rage and pain as I collapse next to the tree. I can't believe I trusted Ice. I should have known that the only cat he loved was Shineblossom. I just want him to show me love. "Sari." Breathing hard, I whisper. "Go away." Ice's calm and collected voice draws closer. "Sari, I don't think you understand the whole situation." I can hear his pawsteps now, drawing nearer and nearer. "I said go away, Ice." I can almost imagine the white tom shaking his head. He lays his tail on me. I jerk away and lash out at him. He lets me hit him. When I'm finally done, he takes a step closer. I'm too tired to move. I try to push him away but he stays put. "Listen to me, Sari, this wasn't my idea either. You have to understand there's things you can't change. I'm not going to let you murder a she-cat because you think it's right." His blue eyes hold me steady. "Murder is never the answer, Sari." "S-she murdered Sweetie!" I choke out. Ice sighs. "I know, Sari, I know." "And you love her!" Ice's face remains devoid of emotion at this. "Sari, I don't want to talk about that. That's something you'll never understand." "Let me guess, you're going to tell me that our meeting was a fortuitous one and that we're weaving a fatuous fantasy by pretending that we were meant for each other." I had qualms about my relationship with Ice. What if I was misleading myself by trying to hold onto him? What if he meant well for me by trying to get rid of me? Ice gives me a sad smile. "Sari, I think we both know by now that that's not true." I don't know where he finds the courage to be so strong. Doesn't he ever shed the compassionate soul and let the cat inside him break down? "And it seems even the minuscule amount of things I do with Shineblossom has ticked you off. I do owe you an apology I suppose." "You think?" I mutter. "But you owe me one too." I blink at him in confusion. "Let me show you instead," he beckons to me, "Perhaps you'll understand when you see what I mean." I'm reluctant to fall under his spell once again, because I'm afraid he'll continue to break me slowly until I am nothing but a puppet in his grasp. But I still follow him into the darkness anyways. ~ "Where are we going?" I ask, finally breaking the silence. We've been walking along the plains, deep into tom territory. Many of the cats have already seen me, and I walk closer to Ice. "Surely there isn't anything to show me here." "Do you doubt me?" Ice replies calmly. I think about that. I do ''doubt him because he could easily be leading me into a trap. But I also ''trust ''him more than I should. "No." Ice keeps walking. He hasn't glanced at me since I started following him. His footsteps are the only thing I hear from him other than his rapid breathing. "You'll see when we get there, Sari." We keep walking. The road seems to last forever. I hope Ice knows where he's going and whatever he wants to show me that it's worth it. I'm starting to see dens pop out in the middle of the vast plains. I suppose toms do need to make their dens somewhere, but I kind of assumed they lived as one group too. The number of dens increase as we draw closer to the trees. There are rather a lot of toms roaming around this area, and a good amount of she-cats too. "Raji, are you here?" Ice is in front of a rather ordinary den. A pure black tom slips out of the den. He looks skinny and not so well fed. "What do you need, Ice?" he yawns, "You usually don't visit so often." "This is Sari," Ice pushes me forward, "I thought maybe we could stay ay your place for a few days." ''What? "Why are we staying in a tom community?" I snap, "Stars, do you want all of them to hound me or something?" I glare at him. Ice promptly ignores me, "She's also a bit fiesty so you might want to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into by agreeing. Though I'd grately appreciate it as I need to show her something here." Raji glances at me, looking tired but amused. "You decided to bring your girlfriend here to show her around? That's a funny one." "I'm not his girlfriend," I snarl, "And you are about to get your muzzle clawed." "That's alright," Raji stretches, "That's what all the she-cats say." "She-cats?" I splutter, "How many she-cats do you guys even see? Isn't this like a tom community that rejects she-cats?" How many of them were brought by Ice? Raji lets loose a laugh. "So you are the one and only Sari. Mind you, not all communities reject she-cats or toms. No, this community is full of what you can call cats who want refuge from the warring communities down where you live. Ice likes it too, so he comes often to rest and collect his thoughts I suppose." The white tom looks rather relaxed. "Sari, there are couples living here and many toms and she-cats who just want to seek solace from the hatred that comes off from the Clans and the groups." "What am I going to learn from here?" I glare at him. Raji snorts, "Wow, I never knew you'd manage to pick up such a hot-headed she-cat to be your girlfriend this time." I swivel my head to glare at Raji instead. "I'm not his girlfriend!" At least not right now I am not. Then I falter. "This time?" Ice sighs and raises his eyes to the sky. "Stars, Raji, you talk too much." "Okay, okay," the black tom raises his tail in submission, "Girlfriend is not the best word to use since you never ever had feelings for those she-cats but I just wanted to tease you! This lovely she-cat looks a bit moony-eyed to me, that's all." I blink. Do I really look like I am absolutely in love with Ice? Raji beckons to us. "Come inside, I'll prepare the meal and perhaps you two can...do whatever you want." Ice shoves him away, "Go get the meal, Raji, before I claw your muzzle." Raji gives us an easy grin and nonchalantly meanders away. "We're not living in his den for real are we?" I groan, "I don't think I can stand another minute with that tom." "He's such a flirt," Ice rolls his eyes, "but I was serious about staying with him." I mutter something not so pleasant and stomp inside. There's practically nothing in there except one nest and a small pile of moss. I grab the pile and split it in two, tossing one half of it to Ice. As I spread out my nest, I feel a twinge of disappointment when Ice makes his nest on the other side of the den. "I know you're hesitant to be here but you'll understand soon," Ice tells me as he curls up in his nest. ~ "Why are we sitting up here," I fidget, "It's freezing and I just want to go back to sleep or eat a warm meal. Raji should have been back by now." Ice doesn't budge. "Just look, Sari. Tell me what you see in this village of peaceful cats who just want to escape the war." I glance down again. This time I take in everything. There are more cats than I realized and then I notice little things that you wouldn't see at first glance. The loving lick between mates. The intertwined tails everywhere. The cats laying together. In love. "Do you see now?" Ice asks, "Their love is stronger than all of our beliefs. They know what they want, and they know their goals in life. But love doesn't stand in the way of their goals." I turn to look at him just in time to see his wistful smile. "It pushes them onwards." He looks down at me. I can see the question still there. I glance back at the village below us and then I lean forward and touch my nose to Ice's. "I get it now," I whisper. "Love isn't getting in the way, it never was."